A bruised reed, a smoldering wick, and overcoming failure
This is the true story of Mary and Robert (not their real names), as told by a teacher.
Robert walks slowly, dragging his bag through the hallway. He often gets into trouble for playing or fighting along the way. He disrupts the class by making a smart aleck remark as he enters.
Mary was the same. She gets in trouble in the hallway for ‘accidentally’ bumping into somebody, taking their things, saying hurtful things. She goes to her chair quietly but when she gets there students will complain that Mary bumped their desks or took their pencil.
“I’ve had these same kinds of students before, and they grew up to cause even more trouble in the school. The school even had to call the police at one time because of a fight caused by my former student whose antics had escalated to something worse,” the teacher said.
“I knew I had to do something. They cannot just go through our system without anybody caring enough to reach out to them and help turn their lives around,” the teacher added.
As the class worked quietly, the teacher waited for Robert and Mary – who usually arrived late - outside the door and spoke to each one privately.
“Some days all I said was “How are you? Are you well today? I am glad you are in my classroom. Next time please come on time.” When they started coming on time, I thanked them for coming on time,” the teacher said.
The teacher started telling the whole class that they were a community of learners, and they should help each other succeed. Part of the community of learners is the teacher. This teacher will help you succeed. If they have any questions or need help they should not be afraid to ask. And from now on they can help each other do their seatwork.
“From then on I made extra effort to help Robert and Mary. Every day in the hallway I would approach Mary and compliment her appearance. Is that a new shirt? I love that color, I’d whisper to her. I commended them privately when I saw them obeying rules. The class clapped their hands when Mary did something well, such as when her workbook grade improved. When she struggled with reading words aloud, I would say, “Thank you for trying hard. It’s okay, you are learning even when you make mistakes. I know you will do better next time.”
“Against school policy, I gave everyone, especially Robert and Mary, extra time to redo their workbook mistakes. I pointed out items they got wrong and allowed them to do them over without penalty. I would sometimes sit next to Mary and read the question aloud. This helped her come up with the correct answer. In the margin of her workbook I would write correct spellings of words she misspelled. “
“I made sure they experienced what it was like to get an A. After a few 100’s (with my help) they started to get C’s and B’s on their own, as opposed to the D’s and F’s of the past. I tore Robert’s first A from the workbook and posted it on the board. It is still there.”
"They continue to exasperate me. Sometimes I forget myself and revert to the tough classroom management I was famous for. Sometimes I forget to take them aside before class. Sometimes I scold or embarrass them in front of the class. But I noticed something different. They no longer have that angry look or sassy comeback.
They go back to their seat and do the work with a satisfied smile that seems to say, “My teacher is just acting tough. It’s not fooling me. I know my teacher cares.”
“What changed? I changed. I experienced failure in my personal life. I realized Robert and Mary felt like failures all their lives. They needed to know what success tastes like. And it was within my power to give that to them. I finally understood that these are children who need help, so I was no longer personally offended by their bad behavior. I learned about the example of a great teacher who was so mighty yet gentle and kind, that it was said in Matthew 12:20: ‘a bruised reed he will not break…a smoldering wick he will not snuff out till he leads justice to victory.’ ”
Did what I do change their lives? I don’t know. Can I do this for all students all year? Probably not. But this year I did it for Robert and Mary. And this year Robert, Mary and I - we were all failures who experienced victory.”
Robert walks slowly, dragging his bag through the hallway. He often gets into trouble for playing or fighting along the way. He disrupts the class by making a smart aleck remark as he enters.
Mary was the same. She gets in trouble in the hallway for ‘accidentally’ bumping into somebody, taking their things, saying hurtful things. She goes to her chair quietly but when she gets there students will complain that Mary bumped their desks or took their pencil.
“I’ve had these same kinds of students before, and they grew up to cause even more trouble in the school. The school even had to call the police at one time because of a fight caused by my former student whose antics had escalated to something worse,” the teacher said.
“I knew I had to do something. They cannot just go through our system without anybody caring enough to reach out to them and help turn their lives around,” the teacher added.
As the class worked quietly, the teacher waited for Robert and Mary – who usually arrived late - outside the door and spoke to each one privately.
“Some days all I said was “How are you? Are you well today? I am glad you are in my classroom. Next time please come on time.” When they started coming on time, I thanked them for coming on time,” the teacher said.
The teacher started telling the whole class that they were a community of learners, and they should help each other succeed. Part of the community of learners is the teacher. This teacher will help you succeed. If they have any questions or need help they should not be afraid to ask. And from now on they can help each other do their seatwork.
“From then on I made extra effort to help Robert and Mary. Every day in the hallway I would approach Mary and compliment her appearance. Is that a new shirt? I love that color, I’d whisper to her. I commended them privately when I saw them obeying rules. The class clapped their hands when Mary did something well, such as when her workbook grade improved. When she struggled with reading words aloud, I would say, “Thank you for trying hard. It’s okay, you are learning even when you make mistakes. I know you will do better next time.”
“Against school policy, I gave everyone, especially Robert and Mary, extra time to redo their workbook mistakes. I pointed out items they got wrong and allowed them to do them over without penalty. I would sometimes sit next to Mary and read the question aloud. This helped her come up with the correct answer. In the margin of her workbook I would write correct spellings of words she misspelled. “
“I made sure they experienced what it was like to get an A. After a few 100’s (with my help) they started to get C’s and B’s on their own, as opposed to the D’s and F’s of the past. I tore Robert’s first A from the workbook and posted it on the board. It is still there.”
"They continue to exasperate me. Sometimes I forget myself and revert to the tough classroom management I was famous for. Sometimes I forget to take them aside before class. Sometimes I scold or embarrass them in front of the class. But I noticed something different. They no longer have that angry look or sassy comeback.
They go back to their seat and do the work with a satisfied smile that seems to say, “My teacher is just acting tough. It’s not fooling me. I know my teacher cares.”
“What changed? I changed. I experienced failure in my personal life. I realized Robert and Mary felt like failures all their lives. They needed to know what success tastes like. And it was within my power to give that to them. I finally understood that these are children who need help, so I was no longer personally offended by their bad behavior. I learned about the example of a great teacher who was so mighty yet gentle and kind, that it was said in Matthew 12:20: ‘a bruised reed he will not break…a smoldering wick he will not snuff out till he leads justice to victory.’ ”
Did what I do change their lives? I don’t know. Can I do this for all students all year? Probably not. But this year I did it for Robert and Mary. And this year Robert, Mary and I - we were all failures who experienced victory.”
